Mother: She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn’t take them along.
I had put in an 18-hour day at work and was upset to find my four-year-old Zack asleep in bed with my husband when I got home. Zack squirms so much it is impossible to get a decent night's sleep when he is with us. Exhausted, I collapsed into his bed instead, where I slept better than I had in years.
The next morning, I asked my husband, "Why was Zack in bed with you?"
"Oh," he replied, shrugging, "he wet his bed, and I was too tired to change his sheets."
Issue #4546
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
Down through my life many people have wished I would cover my face when going out in public. Wish granted!
Grandma Cybersalt and I are very thankful to a friend of ours who sewed these masks for us. It seems odd to think about going out in public wearing them (our provincial medical doctor is still asking us to wait two more weeks before "doubling our bubble") but not as weird as risking the lives of others or ourselves.
Speaking of weird, I've noticed a very strange new type of person on my TV. People who claim to be pro-life while at the same time arguing for the sacrifice of the elderly and weaker members of society for their own gain and comfortable standard of living. Just imagine the thoughts of those who sacrificed their own lives in WW2, so their children could live long lives in peace, if you were to tell them a future generation would sacrifice those same children as seniors for a haircut and a hamburger.
Wash your hands, keep safe and enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.
"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.
"Why? Didn't she come over?" asked his mother.
"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook..."
Better living through denial!
Did you hear about the perfectionist who walked into a bar?
It was too low.
"We are not all in the same boat, but we are in the same storm."
- unknown
Today's Illustration
Many of us take better care of our cars then we do our mothers and yet we only expect our cars to last 5 or 6 years but we expect our mothers to last for a lifetime. Maybe we need a maintenance manual for mothers so we would know how to take care of them at least as well as we do our automobiles. Here are some items that might be included in such a manual.
Engine: A mother's engine is one of the most dependable kinds you can find. She can reach top speed from a prone position at a single cry from a sleeping child. But regular breaks are needed to keep up that peak performance.
Mothers need a hot bath and a nap every 100 miles, a baby-sitter and a night out every 1,000 miles, and a live-in baby-sitter with a one week vacation every 10,000 miles.
Battery: Mother's batteries should be recharged regularly. Handmade items, notes, unexpected hugs and kisses, and frequent "I love you's" will do very well! for a recharge.
Carburetor: When a mother's carburetor floods it should be treated immediately with Kleenex and a soft shoulder.
Brakes: See that she uses her brakes to slow down often and come to a full stop occasionally. (A squeaking sound indicates a need for a rest).
Fuel: Most mothers can run indefinitely on coffee, leftovers and salads, but an occasional dinner for two at a nice restaurant will really add to her efficiency.
Chassis: Mothers run best when their bodies are properly maintained. Regular exercise should be encouraged and provided for as necessary. A change in hairdo or makeup in spring and fall are also helpful. If you notice the chassis begins to sag, immediately start a program of walking, jogging, swimming, or bike riding. These are most effective when done with fathers.
Tune-ups: Mothers need regular tune-ups. Compliments are both the cheapest and most effective way to keep a mother purring contentedly.
Oh yes, and let's not forget to speak to mother lovingly and respectfully, especially when she reminds you to drive carefully and have a good time.
If these instructions are followed consistently, this fantastic creation and gift from God, whom we call "MOTHER", should last a lifetime and give good service and constant love to those who need her most.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
"If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one at:
https://www.cybersalt.org/pastor-tim-s-cleanlaugh-site/what-is-a-goober
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a goober went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "what is 1 and 1?" "Eleven," she replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." Then he said, "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
Did you hear about the perfectionist who walked into a bar?
It was too low.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
