A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs."
The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?"
The girl said, "I don't know. I don't eat cats."
A fly was buzzing along one morning when he saw a lawn mower someone had left out in their front yard. He flew over and sat on the handle, watching the children going down the sidewalk on their way to school.
One little boy tripped on a crack and fell, spilling his lunch on the sidewalk. He picked himself up, put his lunch back in the bag and went on. But he missed a piece of bologna. The fly had not eaten that morning and he sure was hungry. So he flew down and started eating the bologna. In fact he ate so much that he could not fly, so he waddled across the sidewalk, across the lawn, up the wheel of the lawn mower, up the handle, and sat there resting and watching the children.
Issue #4560
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
I want to give a shout out to subscriber John P. today. I had a chance to connect with John over the phone a few days ago and it was really nice getting to know him a bit. John has been diagnosed with a brain tumor and I know he would appreciate your prayers for him and his wife at this time.
One of the special things I learned about John is that he has a passion for comics (the book type and not the stand-up type.) That reminded me of one of my favorite PearlyGates list jokes. So to give John a virtual "tip of the hat today" I am rerunning it. Remember, the PearlyGates list features clean, theologically incorrect jokes that aren't necessarily everyone's cup of tea. So, if you do follow this link and you find it more "spew" than "stew" for your humorous digestion, don't say I didn't warn you. You can read "Another Reason Not to Drink" at:
www.cybersalt.org/pearly-gates-jokes/another-reason-not-to-drink
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for coffee.
The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life. Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found.
"He's perfect. He's handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!"
"He said 'Will you marry me?'" Marcy asked.
Heather replied, "No. He said 'Put your money away.'"
And your cry-baby whiny opinion would be...?
“If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?”
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends."
- Martin Luther King
Today's Illustration
Before our daughter went off to college, our family took a vacation in Colorado, flying to Denver and renting a car.
We visited the Royal Gorge Bridge, which is more than 1000 feet above the Arkansas River.
Walking out onto the bridge, I noticed it swayed in the wind. Then a car went past us, and the wood-plank roadway moved beneath my feet. "I don't think I want to drive the car across this bridge," I finally said.
"What are you worried about?" our daughter replied. "It's a rental."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
And your cry-baby whiny opinion would be...?
A guy entered a bar located at the top of the Empire State Building in New York and sat down at the bar next to another guy.
"This is a nice place, I've never been here before," the first guy said.
"Oh really?" the other replied, "it's a very special bar."
"Why is that?", the first guy asked.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
