Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?
Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
The worst thing about getting hit in the face with Pi is it never ends.
Once there was a millionaire who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful single daughter.
So one day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces: "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man that can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!"
As soon as he finished his last word there was the sound of a large SPLASH! One guy was in the pool, swimming as fast as he could, with the crowd was cheering him on. Finally he made it to the other side, miraculously unharmed.
The millionaire was impressed. "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Which do you want: my daughter or the one million dollars?"
The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I just want the name of the guy who pushed me into that pool!"
Click here to view this edition online!
Oh Look, Chicken Thursday!
There was no mailing last Sunday. Grandma Cybersalt and I enjoyed a full house with some of our kids and grandkids visiting on the weekend! Since I am the night owl of the two of us, Susan turned in early and I stayed up to work on a few things. It was not until 4:00am on Sunday morning that I finished writing the news and then noticed Susan had not lined up the content for the Sunday issue. At that point I opted for some sleep for myself, lol.
Today's video share is a fun one inspired by seeing some of my grandkids playing with Hot Wheels track when they were here. Their setup was about 2,166 feet shorter than this world record setup. The boy in me still would love to have this much track!
Click here to watch the video.
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
A famous author was autographing copies of his new novel in a Cleveland department store. One gentleman pleased him by bringing up not only his new book for signature, but reprint editions of his two previous ones as well.
"My wife likes your stuff," he remarked apologetically. "I thought I'd give her these autographed copies for a birthday present."
"A surprise, eh?" hazarded the author.
"I'll say," agreed the customer. "She's expecting a Cadillac."
I love approaching 80 - I learn something new every day and forget five other things!
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple.
I asked one nurse what the pin signified.
"Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away."
"Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough."
- Garrison Keillor
Raising teenagers is a challenge, so my hubby and I came up with the following rules to help the kids understand what was expected of them during their pre-adult status.
1. If you are not here for dinner, too bad. This is not a fast-food place where the cook is on duty at all times. The cook works full time and does not need a second job.
2. If you make a mess, clean it up. The dishwasher is open 24 hours a day to service you as are the vacuum, broom, and sponge. Please help them to help you by using them. If you need assistance, ask the cook -- she will be happy to give you training on any of the equipment.
3. The taxi service for this household is not on call 24 hours. You must make reservations at least 12 hours in advance. You have two good legs, skateboards, and bikes that are somewhat operational; one of you has a vehicle that works. Use them. By the way, skateboards are to be used on the outside of this house and are never to be used in the living room just because the landing is softer when you fall.
4. We are not a bank and you have no collateral to offer us. Face it: We own everything you have and I have receipts to prove it, so don't ask us for loans. Get jobs! We have them. Try it and you might like it (not so much the work as the money).
5. Curfew is negotiable, but try not to be late too often because it could go either way.
6. Tell us where you are going. GOOD GRIEF! I am way older than you, and I still tell my mother where I am going when I am at her house. Leave us a note or try to form words describing where you are going while we are in the room with you. Honestly, we don't bite unless provoked.
7. You know how to use a phone. We like to hear your voice if you are going to be late. You can use a phone to find out what's for dinner, to let us know you made it to wherever all right, or just to let us hear your beautiful voice.
8. No food in your room, the living room, the bathroom, or anywhere in the house other than the kitchen or dining area EVER! How many times do I have to say this?
9. You do not contribute financially in any way, shape, or form to this household, so try to pull your weight in other ways: Clean something, put something away, surprise us by doing it before we ask. Otherwise, you may find yourself financially supporting yourself on the OUTSIDE of this house.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
I am not what you would call a superstitious person. [Knock on wood.] I am a realist in a modified definition of that word and I usually take things as they come.
My past week, however, was an open commentary on “Murphy’s Law.” Offhand I am not quite sure who come up with this concept, but they must have had a week somewhat like my week this past week.
If I had it within me, I would establish “Snyder’s Law” which simply stated means, what can go right will go right. Then all would be right with the world. Well, except for those who are left-handed.
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
A Catholic guy went into the confessional.
He noticed on one side a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall was a dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars.
The priest entered.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
