What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?
They are both Paris sites.
Concerned about fitness in my mid-40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor.
"I'm here to do my postnatal exercises," I told the instructor.
She gave me an appraising look. "How old is your baby?"
"Twenty-two," I replied.
Survival Tip: If zombies attack, go to Costco - there are cement walls, years worth of food, and tons of supplies. Plus, zombies can't get in without a membership.
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"
Mabel answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out & stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
Resurrection Sunday greetings everyone - the Lord is Risen!
You would think that after watching as many fail videos as I have, I would know better. And yet... here we are.
On Friday I did the thing. The thing I should not have done. And the wipeout that followed was, shall we say, spectacular — evidenced by the fact that as I was struggling to get back on my feet, someone nearby said they wished they had caught it on video.
It's good to be young at heart. It really is. But I am learning — slowly and painfully — that my body does not bounce the way it used to.
There's an interesting evolution to falling down as you age:
When I was a kid, I'd cry because it hurt.
When I got a little older, I'd feel embarrassed because people saw me fall.
Now that I've reached the age I have... I just feel bad for the people around me who are mortified because they just watched an "old man" go down.
Today's video share is a repeat of an old favorite: The Plate.
Click Here To Watch
Enjoy the rest of today's Digest.
~ Pastor Tim
A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park. He sat down on a bench and began eating. Since Jews do not eat leavened bread during the eight day holiday, he was eating Matzoh, a flat crunchy unleavened bread that has dozens of perforations.
A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him. Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man.
The blind man handled the matzo on both sides for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, "Who wrote this junk?"
If I had a dollar for every time algebra has helped me in real life, I'd have x dollars.
I read that giraffes can grow up to 18 feet.
The ones I've seen only have four.
The Birth of Christ is the eucatastrophe of Man's history. The Resurrection is the eucatastrophe of the story of the Incarnation. This story begins and ends in joy. . . . There is no tale ever told that men would rather find was true. . . . This story is supreme; and it is true. Art has been verified. God is the Lord, of angels, and of men - and of elves. Legend and History have met and fused."
- J. R. R. Tolkien, On Fairy Stories, 78
A nurse on the pediatric ward, before listening to the little one's chests, would plug the stethoscope into their ears and let them listen to their own hearts. Their eyes would always light up with awe, but he never got a response equal to four-year old David's comment.
Gently he tucked the stethoscope into David's ears and placed the disk over his heart. "Listen," he said..........."What do you suppose that is?"
David drew his eyebrows together in a puzzled line and looked up as if lost in the mystery of the strange "thump, thump-thump" deep in his chest.
Then his face broke out in a wondrous grin and he asked, "Is that Jesus knocking?"
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
After some months of intense reflection, I have come to the conclusion that it is time for my insanity to retire. The evidence before me is so overwhelming that I'm not sure I have any other choice. And believe me, I have looked.
Not that I haven't benefited from my insanity. Looking back over my years, I can't help but notice how my insanity has been a positive thing in my life. I never would've thought this way before, but after considerable thinking, I believe this is so.
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
