I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes.
I turned to a local tribesman and said, "That lizard is really funny."
The tribesman replied, "That's not a lizard. He's a stand up chameleon."
1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
10 cards = 1 decacards (or is it 52 cards = 1 deck-a-cards?)
1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
10 rations = 1 decoration
10 millipedes = 1 centipede
3-1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
10 monologs = 5 dialogues
2 monograms = 1 diagram
8 nickles = 2 paradigms
Playing golf with his buddies, my grandfather had to make a slick 25-foot putt.
As he lined it up, he announced, "I have a dollar bill that says I can make this putt. Does anyone want to bet?"
His three friends eagerly agreed to the wager.
My grandfather missed the putt by ten feet, and his friends gathered around to collect their money.
Granddad pulled out a dollar bill on which he had written, "I can make this putt."
His pals are still trying to collect on the bet - and grandpa is too.
Sunday greetings everyone!
Well, it turns out I did break my arm! X-rays confirmed a fracture on the head of my radial bone — not broken clean through, just cracked, which is the good news. The arm is in a sling for the next two to three weeks, and on Monday I meet with an orthopedic surgeon. My doctor says it's 99% likely the surgeon won't need to operate, so that is good news as well.
All that time assuming nothing was seriously wrong — and here we are. Them's the brakes — or in this case, the break. 😄
Through all of it, I am grateful, happy, and joyful in all the ways God is providing and is going to use this for good in my life.
Enjoy the rest of today's Digest.
~ Pastor Tim
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.
"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.
"That is the talking clock", the young man replied.
"How's it work?" the friend asked.
"Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. BONG!
Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU GOOBER! It's two AM!"
I think the universe knew I would be too powerful if I could do math.
Just been prescribed some anti-gloating cream. I can't wait to rub it in.
“I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.”
- Jack Whitehall
An English teacher often wrote little notes on student essays. Often she worked late, and as the hours passed, her handwriting deteriorated.
One day a student came to her after class with an essay that had been returned. "I can't make out this comment you wrote on my paper," he said
The teacher took the paper and, after studying it, sheepishly replied,
"It says that you should write more legibly!"
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
For over 70 years, I believed sanity was a very important part of a person's identity. Being sane enables one to be successful in life. Who doesn't want to be successful?
I've made it my business to focus on my sanity and make sure it's working just fine. Of course, I’m not sure how to build my sanity.
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
I think the universe knew I would be too powerful if I could do math.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
