Entertainment

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid.  It cost me $4,000, but it's state of the art."

"Really?" answered the neighbor.  "What kind is it?"

"Twelve-thirty."

"Skipper," the sailor said to his captain as he saluted, "A special message just came in for you from the admiral. I have it right here."

"Read it to me," the captain ordered.

The sailor read, "You are without a doubt the most idiotic, lame- brained officer ever to command a ship in the United States Navy."

The skipper responded, "Have that communication decoded at once!"

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

If you live in a part of the world that turned the clocks forward one hour this morning, you have something in common with me today. However, there’s also something unique about the time change that took place at Cybersalt World Headquarters.

My province, British Columbia, has decided that today is the last time we will change our clocks. They’ve essentially created a brand new time zone just for us (right now.) So later on in the autumn, when many of you change your clocks back an hour, we will not be touching ours.

It will be very interesting to see what this is like when that time comes and the days start getting shorter. I’m not particularly looking forward to how much this whole thing is going to be talked about, debated, analyzed, and explained on the news… but it will certainly be another fun and interesting adventure to experience.

Time will tell - and ours will be staying still when it does!

Enjoy the rest of today's Digest. 

~ Pastor Tim 

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough.

"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
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The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.

After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
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A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear...."

My sweet wife got me a simple metal bracelet with the first initials of our kids on it.

Now I lay on the side of the road, paramedics working on me, as I silently think about Donna, Nick, and Rachel.

Not all construction work is equally enjoyable. 

For example, enlarging a drilled hole is boring; but fastening pieces of metal together is riveting!

Politics is our religion.
Social Media is our community.
Outrage is our liturgy.

- Bishop Robert Barron

“Even though I walk through the valley…”

This week centers on a short but powerful verse: *“Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you”* (1 Peter 5:7). At first, it may seem too brief to build a full message around. But in reality, this single line captures the heart of God’s relationship with us.

When we think about what it means to “cast” our anxieties, it means to let go completely—to place our worries, fears, and burdens into God’s hands. And the reason we can do that with confidence is simple: He truly cares for us.

A new young minister got his first charge - a tiny church way out on the prairies. He traveled from the big city early to familiarize himself with the parish, and visited the church on Wednesday. It was dark and dreary inside, and remembering the suggestion that he find a cause to get the congregation working together, he got the bright idea that they should raise funds to buy a chandelier to hang in the middle of the sanctuary, and spent the next three days preparing his sermon.

On Sunday morning he spent twenty minutes telling the congregation how great it would be to have a chandelier, He chandeliered this - and he chandeliered that, and finished his sermon with a big pitch for funds with which to buy a glorious chandelier that would mean so much to the people of this parish. He felt after all the handshakes, and seeing the families off that he had made a successful presentation.

After three weeks, having heard no feedback he stopped one of the elders on the way out and asked him the direct question. What are you going to do about the chandelier? Oh, we talked about that and decided against it - you see nobody around here knows how to spell that word - so even if we got one of them things - there's not a soul within a hundred miles who knows how to play one - and furthermore, what this church really needs is more lights.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

Although the year is new, I’m still an old geezer. I think I know what geezer means, but I’m not sure what the definition of “old” is. One person’s old is another person’s youth. Believe me, I don’t know the difference.

I do know that I am a geezer because occasionally, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage will look at me and say, “Are you acting like an old geezer?”

I stare at her for a moment and respond, “Oh, no my dear. I’m not acting.”

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Not all construction work is equally enjoyable. 

For example, enlarging a drilled hole is boring; but fastening pieces of metal together is riveting!