How to keep a healthy level of insanity in the workplace
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1. Page yourself over the intercom. (don't disguise your voice)
2. Ask people to call you "Captain"
3. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
4. Put a chair facing the printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
I keep hearing it takes a village to raise a child. Do they just show up, or is there a number to call?
Click here to view this edition online!
Sunday greetings, everyone!
I was driving home from a men's gathering last evening (after enjoying a barbeque and making bows and arrows with my son-in-law, Josh) when I started to hear a rattle from the left front corner of my pickup truck. I was pretty sure I had a rock rattling around in the hub cover until the rattling sound changed into the sound of a metal part skipping down the road of the neighbourhood we had just turned into.
It turned out that the actual hub cover had come loose because, like me, it had a few loose screws. Well, actually, at the point it fell off it had no more screws, but it was still a fun memory to make with Josh, and for the guy sitting in his driveway who pointed me to the lawn the part had ended up on! It's a 92 Ford F150 4x4, so I suppose it's to be expected from time to time!
Today's video share is an example of what happens when music goes to the dogs.
Click here to watch.
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.
~ Pastor Tim
I hope the bulletin in your church is more accurate than these ones!
1. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
8. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
9. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
11. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell." Come early and listen to our choir practice.
16. The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."
17. Today...Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.
18. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
19. The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
20. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Stanley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
21. The 'eighth graders' will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
To avoid straining your eyes when you're continuously working, follow the 20-20-20 rule; after 20 minutes of work, look at something 20 feet away, then spend 20 years in the forest.
@macabredarklingwaters
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
I took a friend of mine who is visually impaired to church with me this morning. Several of the children in the congregation were fascinated with her Braille Bible.
One of the adults came over to see what the kids were so excited about, and Ellen told the woman, "Oh, well, I was telling them how bumpy the road to salvation is."
"Divine deliverance does not always mean an escape from trouble: it sometimes means finding God in trouble."
John Stott
A little boy sat through a Sunday School class and learned about the time Jesus went to a wedding and changed the water into wine.
"And what did you learn from that story?" asked his father afterward.
The boy thought for a moment and then answered, "If you're having a wedding, make sure Jesus is there."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
Occasionally I go to my computer and search for the wealthiest preachers in America. I am curious to know who came up with this idea, but I check it out occasionally to see who they are.
As often as I have checked this information, I have never found my name on that list. I so much wanted to see my name on that list. Everybody knows that the Internet never lies. So, I need to accept that I am not one of the wealthiest preachers in America. Poor me!
That may explain many things in my life that I did not quite understand before.
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
To avoid straining your eyes when you're continuously working, follow the 20-20-20 rule; after 20 minutes of work, look at something 20 feet away, then spend 20 years in the forest.
@macabredarklingwaters
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
