Entertainment

A little boy asked his mother, "What's that you're reading?"

A diary.

What's in it?

I can't tell you that. A diary is a highly personal and confidential affair; It has important secret dreams and secret yearnings. It's private. It's not meant to be shared with other people. And besides, this diary belongs to your sister.

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God.  So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you; We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."

God listened very patiently and kindly to the man.  After the scientist was done talking, God said, "Very well, how about this? Let's say we have a man-making contest." To which the scientist replied, "Okay, great!"

But, God added, "now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."

The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God looked at him and said, "No, no, no.  You go get your own dirt."

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any recent interest in his paintings which happened to be on display.

"I have good news and bad news," the gallery owner replied.  " The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death."

"What did you say?" questioned the artist.

"When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"The gentleman was your doctor...."

** If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of them.

** In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog to worship him and a cat to ignore him.

** Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

** Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.

** When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

** Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.