Entertainment

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the e-mails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over....)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

There are two renewed pages on the Cybersalt Site today.

First of all, with the growing interest in space tourism someone is going to have to figure out the challenge of feeding all those hungry, weightless vacationers. Here's one person's idea:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/space-delivery

Speaking of problem solving, once you run out of solutions there is always this little fellow's idea:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/mouse-bomber

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Accountancy Exam"

Dewey wanted to be an accountant, so he went and took the accountancy exam.

Examiner: If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have?
Dewey: Five.

Examiner: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Dewey: Five.

Examiner: Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of pop and then I give you another two bottles of pop, how many bottles of pop have you got?
Dewey: Four.

Examiner: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Dewey: Five.

Examiner: How on earth do you work out that two lots of two rabbits is five?
Dewey: I've already got one rabbit at home!

Today's CleanPun

Two horses were galloping along when one stumbled and landed on its side.

After a number of tries the tumbled equine finally regained his footing, but when he tried to run to catch up to his buddy he found he couldn't even trot.

Calling after his friend he neighed, "I've fallen and I can't giddy-up!"

Today's One Liner

"I got one of those new devices that make my cell phone 'hands free' - now I can get back to eating and drinking when I drive."

Today's CleanQuote

"What if God is asking us for a sign?"

Today's Illustration - "10 Rules for a Happy Day"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

1. TODAY I WILL NOT STRIKE BACK:
If someone is rude, if someone is impatient, if someone is unkind... I will not respond in a like manner.

2. TODAY I WILL ASK GOD TO BLESS MY "ENEMY":
If I come across someone who treats me harshly or unfairly, I will quietly ask GOD to bless that individual. I understand the "enemy" could be a family member, neighbor, co-worker or stranger.

3. TODAY I WILL BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT I SAY:
I will carefully choose and guard my words being certain that I do not spread gossip.

4. TODAY I WILL GO THE EXTRA MILE:
I will find ways to help share the burden of another person.

5. TODAY I WILL FORGIVE:
I will forgive any hurts or injuries that come my way.

6. TODAY I WILL DO SOMETHING NICE FOR SOMEONE, BUT I WILL NOT DO IT SECRETLY:
I will reach out anonymously and bless the life of another.

7. TODAY I WILL TREAT OTHERS THE WAY I WISH TO BE TREATED:
I will practice the golden rule - "Do unto others as I would have them do unto me" - with everyone I encounter.

8. TODAY I WILL RAISE THE SPIRITS OF SOMEONE WHO IS DISCOURAGED:
My smile, my words, my expression of support, can make the difference to someone who is wrestling with life.

9. TODAY I WILL NURTURE MY BODY:
I will eat less; I will eat only healthy foods. I will thank GOD for my body.

10. TODAY I WILL GROW SPIRITUALLY:
I will spend a little more time in prayer today: I will begin reading something spiritual or inspirational today; I will find a quiet place (at some point during this day) and listen to GOD's voice!!!

"But since we belong to the day, let us be self controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and hope of salvation as a helmet."
- 1 Thessalonians 5:8

~ Author Unknown

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

Why Mice Shouldn't Be Allowed Internet Access.

Funny Pictures of Mouse Trying to Get Cheese with Bomb

Dewey wanted to be an accountant, so he went and took the accountancy exam.

Examiner: If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have?
Dewey: Five.

Examiner: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Dewey: Five.

Examiner: Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of pop and then I give you another two bottles of pop, how many bottles of pop have you got?
Dewey: Four.

Examiner: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Dewey: Five.

Examiner: How on earth do you work out that two lots of two rabbits is five?
Dewey: I've already got one rabbit at home!

Home delivery will have to do
until the food court is open
on the International Space Station

Funny Pictures of Pizza Hut Delivery Rocket

  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3587 - March 4, 2011
  2. Dog Lick Face
  3. Extreme Cow Tipping
  4. Happy Pigs

Subcategories

Clean Jokes Article Count:  3626

Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you?  Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
 

  

Christmas Jokes Article Count:  77

a picture of christmas ballsWe think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.

If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!

Your Turn to Be Funny Article Count:  3

It's your turn to be funny.  Submit your funny caption today.

Funny Elephant Pictures Article Count:  16

Are you looking for funny elephant pictures?  You've come to the right place!

Cybersalt Digest Archive Article Count:  1572

Games Article Count:  15

Here are the games we have on the site so far.  There aren't many but they're loads of fun.

Funny Pictures Article Count:  679

Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow.  We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often.  Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.

Funny Car Pictures Article Count:  169

Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.

Funny Cat Pictures Article Count:  231

catmelonhead150x127.jpgOver the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.

And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.

  

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.

 

 

 

Funny Dog Pictures Article Count:  149

dog_maggie.jpgSome say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.

It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.

Funny Horse Pictures Article Count:  24

Here's our funny horse pictures collection.

Funny Christmas Pictures Article Count:  53

christmas cakeWe think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.

We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

Pearly Gates Jokes Article Count:  544

Here are some clean, theologically incorrect jokes.  Most of them have been featured in the PearlyGates section of the free Cybersalt Digest Newsletter - which you can subscribe to by clicking here.

FunBlog Article Count:  533

When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here.  If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!

Cartoons Article Count:  3119

These are some of our favorite cartoons.

Backpew Article Count:  2944

Clean Puns Article Count:  1994

Our collection of puns.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.

 

Funny Signs Article Count:  167

Our collection of funny signs.

One-liners Article Count:  2049

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!

Chicken Humor Article Count:  1

Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart! 

Page 2386 of 2988