Entertainment

Signs That An Athlete Is Using A Banned Substance:

Gets "psyched" before each competition by banging his head against a locker, although he's on the chess team.

Her javelin was shot down by jet fighters.

Killed two spectators and a line judge with his forehand lob at this year's French Open.

Although a sprinter, he won both the Indy 500 and the Preakness.

His red and yellow jersey reads, "Track Cartel de Colombia."

Remainder of high-jump event postponed until he lands.

Somehow manages to win the 100-meter butterfly without getting wet.

Signs new contract for $6 over 2 million years.

Instead of exploding out of the blocks, he just explodes.

According to the urine test, he's six-week's pregnant.

Breaks his pelvis but insists he can just "walk it off."

Forget Nike and Reebok-he's got endorsement deals with Merck and Glaxo.

Stacking dice - we've all done it. Ok, maybe not. But surely we will need to stack dice at some time in our life. Ok, maybe not. It is, however, undoubtedly everyone's destiny to be asked to stack dice at least. Yeah, maybe not.

So why do people watch this? Why fun of course! (I think he would like the dice wars game.)

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."

"Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

It has been decades since Mt. St. Helens blew her top (another example of what happens when you hold things inside too long). Scientists first predicted it would be hundreds of years before the active volcano refilled its crater.

However, in the last couple of years Mount St. Helens has picked up the pace with her lava dome growing at the rate of 2 dump truck loads per second.  At that rate, she'll be ready for another tantrum in 12 years or so.

Here's a way to safely compare today's lava dome with that of 2003 - with a 360 degree view at that!