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Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Grandmothers"

The following have been taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds.

A grandmother is a lady who has no little children of her own. She likes other people's.

A grandfather is a man grandmother.

Grandmothers don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on "cracks."

They don't say, "Hurry up."

Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandmothers don't have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like, "Why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?"

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television, because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

Today's CleanPun

The Flood is over and the ark has landed. Noah lets all the animals out and says, "Go forth and multiply."

A few months later, Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals. Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes. "What's the problem?" says Noah.

"Cut down some trees and let us live there," say the snakes.

Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. He finds lots of little snakes, and everybody is happy. Noah asks, "Want to tell me how the trees helped?"

"Certainly," say the snakes. "We're adders, so we need logs to multiply."

Today's One Liner

"The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office." ~Will Rogers

Today's CleanQuote

"There's something in the unruffled calm of nature that overawes our little anxieties & doubts" ~Jonathan Edwards (Princeton Prez, 1758)

Today's Illustration - "Most Important Words"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The six most important words
"I admit that I was wrong!"

The five most important words
"You did a great job."

The four most important words
"What do you think?"

The three most important words
"May I help?"

The two most important words
"Thank You!"

The most important word
"We."

The least important word
"I"

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.