Entertainment

At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax. 

One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained.

When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?"

"Well, I suppose," she replied, "I'm still cooking it."

One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter's indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department.

"We don't do that anymore," the woman dispatcher said. When I persisted, she was polite but firm. "The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough."

"How do you know that?" I asked.

"Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?" she said.

Two hours later the cat was back, looking for breakfast.

We all face writer's block from time to time when it comes to saying what we want to say.  When that happens some people turn to Hallmark greeting cards to say if for them. But those can be pricey.

Here is a cheaper and much more useless solution - the random letter generator.  You pick the letters you want to randomly arrange (add a few spaces to make the results look like they are actual words) and send your greeting to your friend or relative.  Not only will they have the thrill of receiving something from you, they will also have the endless joy of trying to decipher your message.  

Then, when you finally come clean about what the letters really represent, you can enjoy some one on one time with your penpal at the emergency ward after they beat the daylights out of you for wasting their time.

Before you try this, let me leave you with this thought, "Skgzrf  taf ouj slmvrpv pwcsder svouene imbebny wn in g buillsg uaj tti."

For the first time, my four-year-old daughter Kelsey was coming to my office to have me, a dental hygenist, clean her teeth.  She was accompanied by her grandmother. 

When they came in, I greeted them warmly, seated Kelsey, and, as usual, put on my gloves, goggles, and mask.

About ten minutes into the procedure, Kelsey got scared and cried, "I want my mommy!"

I quickly pulled off my mask and said, "I AM your mommy."

Without hesitation, my daughter yelled back, "Then I want my granny!"