I try to sell insurance to every telemarketer that calls me. My insurance company is Calvary Trust.
Yesterday was an eventful day at Cybersalt World headquarters. Yours truly undertook some do-it-yourself plumbing and electrical work. At one point it looked like the water wasn't going to get turned back on until the hardware store re-opened in the morning, but the fixtures were figured out and the H2O was able to flow again. As for electricity, it flowed as well - up one arm and down the other. I think that's very similar to how it feels for some people when they are listening to me preach - without the muted gasp and shudder afterwards.
Today's featured page on the Cybersalt site is "Kitten Hot Tub":
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-cat-pictures/kitten-hot-tub
Enjoy the rest of today's digest.
Two trucks loaded with a thousand copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday, according to the Associated Press.
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied.…
"I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but he turned out to be an optical Aleutian."
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction - I get to the end and say, "Well, that's not going to happen."
"Credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being."
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Grandma Jones from the valley had never experienced a sick day in her life, so she didn't take it kindly when a bad case of the mulligrubs sent her to the hospital for observation.
By the time a pair of husky interns got Grandma tucked into bed, she had managed to complain about everything: the temperature, the lights, the skimpy gown, the food and the mattress, especially, the mattress.
Suddenly, Grandma spotted a small plastic item with a button, attached to a cord. "What's that?" she demanded.
"If you need anything in the middle of the night, Grandma," said one of the interns, "just press that button."
"What does it do, ring a bell?" she asked.
"No, it turns on a light in the hall for the nurse on duty," the intern replied.
"A light in the hall?" responded Grandma. "Look, I'm the sick one around here. If the night nurse needs a light on in the hall, she can get up and switch it on herself."
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.
Two trucks loaded with a thousand copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday, according to the Associated Press.
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied.…
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
Yes, Cybersaltines have spoken and Chicken Thursday lives on! Some of you are not able to read the story behind Chicken Thursday because the Cybersalt Site is not accessible to people using Internet Explorer 6. To let you in on the secret, I've included the Chicken Thursday story at the absolute end of this mailing.
Site-wise, I'm excited to say that I have discovered a streamlined way to move pages from the old style Cleanlaugh site to the updated and more accessible Cybersalt Site. Consequently, today there are more than 25 new funny pictures pages moved over. You will find most of them listed in the Funny Pictures area at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/entertainment/funny-pictures
If you want to navigate through them in order, just go to "Backup Printer" and use the next button to proceed from there:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/backup-printer
Enjoy the rest of today's digest.
Gary is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father explains, "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go off to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. Suddenly, he remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl, "Do you like spinach?"
She says "No," and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable moments, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?"
Again, the girl says "No," and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl, "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
"Hypotenuse: Washroom upstairs is occupied."
~Paul Dickson
"Don't let anyone tell you you're getting old - squash their toes with your rocker."
"Just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do."
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
A small boy badly wanted a baby brother, so his dad suggested he pray every night for one. The boy prayed earnestly, night after night, but his prayers seemingly weren't answered. After a few weeks, he didn't bother to ask anymore.
Some months later, his dad said they were going to see Mom in the hospital and he was going to get a big surprise. When they got to the room, the little boy saw his mother holding two babies.
"Well, what do you think about having twin brothers?" his dad asked.
The little boy thought for a moment and replied, "It's a good thing I stopped praying when I did."
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.
P.S. - The Story Behind Chicken Thursday
“Chicken Thursday” has been driving some Cybersalt Digest subscribers around the bend wondering what it refers to. As promised, here is the explanation of what “Chicken Thursday” means.
This story begins way back about 2 years ago when Tim and I began watching “’Til Debt Do Us Part” with one of our free cable deals. After our 3 months of free cable we cancelled (because now we really knew we couldn’t afford cable), and began watching episodes on-line. I don’t know if many of you watch TV shows on-line, but one of the really neat features is seriously abbreviated commercials. Really, you get like one 15 second commercial and then it’s right back to your show. The only downside of these commercials was that the volume was set differently somehow so that they’d blare out about twice as loud as the volume of the show.
Well, one of those 15 second commercials was the Old El Paso guy relaxed and sitting on his couch looking around his pure white living room filled with roaming chickens and saying, “Oh look, chicken Thursday; chicken Thursday.” The segment would end with the jingle, “Old El Paso – mucho fun tonight” to tell us all that tacos would be much better than – oh say, chicken every Thursday.
Ever since that time, “chicken Thursday” takes us right back to those moments of blaring silliness and has become a fun memory for us. That’s it; just a quirky, silly thing that is a bit of an inside joke between us and - once Tim began to start Thursday mailings of the Cybersalt Digest with “Oh Look, chicken Thursday” - perhaps anyone who remembers that commercial.
Now, aren’t you glad you know? Maybe not, because without any mystery behind Chicken Thursday the whimsy is gone and all that is left is weird, lol. Maybe we’ll find something to replace the now retired “Chicken Thursday.” Although, we’re open to continuing them if you like. Leave your comments below.
- Mrs. Cybersalt and Pastor Tim
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
