I am terrified of the Santa at the mall where I work.
Our company psychiatrist met with me and has discovered I am Claustrophobic.
Three men died on Christmas day and found themselves at the PearlyGates.
St. Peter met them and said, "Because it's Christmas day we have a special deal on entry into Heaven. If you have something on you that has to do with Christmas we'll let you in."
The first man reached into a shirt pocket and took out a lighter, flicked it, held it up and said, "A Christmas candle?"
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Sunday greetings, everyone!
After attending a Christmas party last night, with other members of the worship team from our church, Grandma Cybersalt and I seem to have nothing else social on our agenda between now and Christmas day. That's OK with us as we've had a lot on our plates the last month or so, including Susan being plagued by a cough she has just gotten over in the last few days. We'll just use the time to catch up on all of the nothing we are behind in doing!
Today's video share is a Christmas commercial inspired by real events.
Click here to watch the video.
Enjoy the rest of today's digest!
~ Pastor Tim
1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.
2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.
3. If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend's first cookie is calorie free, (rule #1) yours is also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.
4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.
6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have three and green ones have five - one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!
7. Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
9. Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate. We all know how calories like to CLING!
10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It's a rule!
So, go out and enjoy those Christmas Cookies - we only get them this time of year!
It's strange there is a setting on every toaster to completely burn the bread.
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
“Christmas: That time of year when a wife has to separate the men from the toys.”
- Lee Daniel Quinn
"To appreciate the beauty of a snowflake it is necessary to stand out in the cold."
- Aristotle
My wife and I get along just great, except that she's a "backseat driver" second to none.
After years of putting up with her pestering, I finally decided I'd had enough and advised her that I would no longer drive with her in the car.
Later that day, on my way home from doing some Christmas shopping at the mall, I heard my cell phone ring as I was merging onto a freeway. It was my wife calling.
By chance, she had entered the freeway right behind me.
"Honey," she said, "your turn signal is still on. And put on your lights; it's starting to rain."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
This is the time of the year when churches give way to the Great White Way. I am referring, of course, to the annual Sunday school Christmas program. No church year is complete without this extravaganza. I want to know who started this and why.
Have you ever noticed that many questions have no answers?
At least nobody bothers offering any real answers to some questions. Then there are those questions that come out of left field. They have no logic attached to them and often catch us off guard at the moment of inquisition.
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
It's strange there is a setting on every toaster to completely burn the bread.
1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.
2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.
3. If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend's first cookie is calorie free, (rule #1) yours is also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.
4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
