Entertainment

Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."

After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

Along with the three wise men, the shepherds, and the others who showed up at the manger, there was also a fellow on a white charger, wearing a suit of armor.

But he didn't have as good a publicity agent as those other guys, so he never got as famous. In fact, only one Christmas song celebrates his part in the proceedings, "O Holy Knight."

Once upon a time there were three little bunny rabbits, Foot, Foot-Foot, and Foot-Foot-Foot, and they were outside playing. All of a sudden, Foot grabs his head and says, "I'm really sick. I think I'm gonna die." So Foot-Foot and Foot-Foot-Foot run into the house and say, "Mama, come quick, Foot's sick and we think he's gonna die."

She says, "Foot-Foot and Foot-Foot-Foot, you go and get the doctor."

So they go to the doctor and say, "Doctor, doctor, come quick. Foot's sick and we think he's gonna die."

Doctor says, "I'll be there as soon as I can." Well, the doctor wasn't in time and Foot died, so they buried him. And Foot-Foot and Foot-Foot-Foot just sat around the house and moped.

Finally Mama says, "Foot-Foot and Foot-Foot-Foot you go outside and play. Foot's dead and that's all there is to it."

While they're outside playing, all of a sudden, Foot-Foot grabs his head and says, "Foot-Foot-Foot, I'm sick just like Foot was and I think I'm gonna die."

So Foot-Foot-Foot runs into the house and says, "Mama, come quick, Foot-Foot's sick and I think he's gonna die."

She says, "Foot-Foot-Foot, you go and get the doctor."

So he went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, doctor, come quick. Foot-Foot's sick and I think he's gonna die."

Doctor says, "I'll be there as soon as I can."

Foot-Foot-Foot says, "You'd better hurry doctor, we've already got one Foot in the grave!"

My friend Mari has a screechy voice that makes people queasy to hear it. The other day she came over for dinner. I served squid.

After dinner she went out on the terrace and, observing a gorgeous sunset, she yelled in for the rest of us to come out and see it.

I felt suddenly nauseated. At first I thought it was something I had eaten.

Actually it was the call o' Mari.