A lady answered her front door to find a plumber standing there. "I'm here to fix the leaky pipe," he announced.
"I didn't call a plumber," said the lady.
"What?" huffed the plumber. "Aren't you Mrs. Frobisher?"
The Frobishers moved out of this house over a year ago," explained the lady.
"How do you like that," grunted the plumber. "They call you up and tell you it's an emergency and then they move away!"
A man is applying for a job as mechanic that he really wants to get.
The boss says, "Can you roll your hard hat down your arm and pop it back on your head?"
The mechanic nods, confused.
"Can you play light saber with your wrench and another man's screwdriver?"
"Oh yes," says the mechanic.
"Can you bounce your screwdriver off the cement, grab it, whirl it around and put it in your belt like a gun?"
"Sir, I've been doing that for years!" says the wanna-be mechanic.
"Well in that case, I can't use you. I have 12 men doing that already!" says the boss.
I walked into my sister's kitchen and found my nephew, Dewey, having a snack.
"Where's your mother?" I asked.
"She said she was going to have a shower. Just a second, I'll see."
Dewey went to the kitchen tap and turned the hot water on full blast.
An indignant yell came from above.
Dewey calmly turned off the tap and said, "Yep, she's in the shower."
An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset.
"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.
"I had to slap his face three times!"
"You mean he got fresh?"
"No," she answered, "I thought he was dead."
TOP TEN THINGS THE APOSTLE PAUL WOULD HAVE DONE IF HE HAD A PC
10. Download MP3's of the Righteous Brothers for entertainment while on those long, tedious missionary journeys
9. Visit WebMD.com about that persistent pain in flesh
8. Spiritual armor would include virus protection software
7. "To live is Christ, to die is to have a 28K modem"
6. Book boat tickets using Priceline.com
5. E-mail pictures of Peter eating pork to the gang back in Jerusalem
4. Church officers: Pastor, Elder, Deacon, System Administrator
3. Use decryption software to interpret tongues
2. Describe conversion experience as the "Divine Reboot"
1. Add Spam to list of cardinal sins
Copyright 2002 Gary Cantwell. Permission is granted to send this to others, but not for commercial purposes.
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