I always say "Thank you" to Alexa so that when the machines take over they know I'm nice.
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On the first day of Spring Training, a baseball scout brings a race horse with him to add to the starting line-up.
The coach asks, "What did you bring that horse here for?"
The scout replies, "Wait until you see him bat."
All the players are laughing, until the horse comes to bat. At this point, the horse grabs the bat, and everyone quiets down. They stare at the horse.
The pitcher, just shrugs his shoulders, and throws the ball toward home plate, when astonishingly the horse hits the ball deep in the outfield.
The horse just stands there and does not move. The manager then yells at the baseball scout to tell the horse to run to first base.
The scout looks back at the manager and yells back, "If he could run, he'd be at Belmont!"
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A New York family bought a ranch out west where they intended to raise cattle. Friends came to visit and asked if the ranch had a name.
"Well," said the would-be-cattleman, "I wanted to call it the Bar-J, my wife favored the Suzy-Q, one son liked the Flying-W, and the other son wanted the Lazy-Y. So, we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y."
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Ok, what is the deal with "The early bird gets the worm"? He gets up early, and all he gets is a worm? It says "the worm," which means one single worm. That seems not very fair, for a bird that goes through the trouble of getting up early.
Myself, I would rather sleep late and get the "worm and grub" brunch special at the local diner. I can't imagine that an early 5:00 AM worm is going to taste that much better than a plate of later 11:00 AM worms.
And, speaking of which, what's the deal with the early worm? He gets up early, to get a start on the day, because he has loads of work to do, and he gets eaten by a bird! Where is the moral of the story, when the lazy worms don't get eaten? Isn't that hypocritical? Seems to me that all the smart worms either work nights, or sleep late and get up after lunch. Isn't that sending the wrong message to our kids?
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