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Entertainment

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4894 - March 7, 2024

Click here to view this edition online!  

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

big chuteI'm off to the dentist today to get my teeth cleaned and to be reminded that I should remember to brush behind my front teeth as well! I do pretty well with brushing and flossing my teeth regularly, but I will admit that being fastidious about some of the finer details of oral hygiene does fall by the wayside when I've already had a day full of lots of little chores and tasks

Today's video share is a place I've been to a couple of times in my life and have been hoping to revisit on some of my recent trips back home. "Big Chute" is the only marine railway of it's kind in North America.
You can watch the video here.

 Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim 



Farmer Joe & Bessie

court gavelFarmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.  In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

"Didn't you say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,"' asked the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened.  I had just loaded my favourite mule Bessie into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question.  Did you not say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'."

Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was fine.  Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client.  I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say."

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.  I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.  I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move.  However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning.  I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.  Shortly after the accident a highway patrolman came on the scene.  He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.  After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me." He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her.
How are you feeling?"



One-Liner #1814

woman annoyedSometimes you might feel like no one's there for you, but you know who's always there for you? Laundry. Laundry will always be there for you.



"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

Be A Billionaire!


Communist Pun

cemetery 3Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot.



Quote #2249

forest 2“It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade.”

― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations



Generations

airplane overheadWindsor Castle, outside of London, is directly in the flight path of Heathrow International Airport.

While a group of tourists was standing outside the castle admiring the elegant structure, a plane flew overhead at a relatively low altitude, making a tremendous noise.

One particularly annoyed tourist whined, "Why did they build the castle so close to the airport?"


Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


Susan Page writes . . . . 

Easter Pause

resurrection butterfly- Photo by Susan PageEaster is a time when we stop and reflect on the gift of eternal life through the sacrifice of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. The Good News of the cross has the power to transform lives.

The topic of transformation is … quite frankly, transforming! We celebrate Easter at the time of year when we start to see winter transforming into springtime. Observe the renewal we see all around us. The tadpole changes into a frog. The caterpillar metamorphizes into a beautiful butterfly and the downpour of fresh spring rain brings renewal. Transformation is displayed in God’s very own handiwork.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he/she is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Daily renewal in Christ changes our attitudes and revolutionizes our behaviour. Just like in nature, we, by faith become new creations in Christ Jesus and that’s a beautiful thing. New and improved, the salt and light that flavours and brightens our world!

Read more

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

One-Liner #1814

woman annoyedSometimes you might feel like no one's there for you, but you know who's always there for you? Laundry. Laundry will always be there for you.

  • One-liners
  • Relationship One-liners
  • Saying One-liners
  • Housework One-liners

Farmer Joe & Bessie

court gavelFarmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.  In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

"Didn't you say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,"' asked the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened.  I had just loaded my favourite mule Bessie into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question.  Did you not say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'."

Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was fine.  Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client.  I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say."

  • Clean Jokes
  • Farming Jokes
  • Lawyer Jokes
  • Court Jokes

Read more: Farmer Joe & Bessie

Communist Pun

cemetery 3Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot.

  • Clean Puns
  • Cemetery Jokes
  • Communism Puns

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4893 - March 3, 2024

Click here to view this edition online!  

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone!

world's biggest water tankThere was no Chicken Thursday mailing last week. Things were already pretty crazy workwise and on top of that I help a friend move. The move itself wasn't that bad because it was from one apartment to another in the same building - and there was an elevator! On top of that, he had hired to movers to help. They were both young men whom I was very careful to let carry all the heaviest things.

There are some men of my vintage who have not yet figured out what they think they can lift is more than they can actually lift, but I am not one of them. Since I have reached the point in life when I can hurt myself sleeping "the wrong way" I am more than happy to not hurt myself doing other things I think should come easily.

Today's video share shows an really interesting scientific project that is certainly not a "tankless" job!

Click Here to Watch

Enjoy the rest of today's digest!

~ Pastor Tim 



Dog Rules

dog shitzuBasic Rules for Dogs Who Have a Yard To Protect

NEWSPAPERS: If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the newspaper that's placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose.

VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs.  Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person.  If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.

BARKING: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark.  So bark--- a lot.
Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house, especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds.  There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark...

LICKING: Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human.  Humans prefer clean tongues.  Be ready to fetch your human a towel.

HOLES: Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice.  If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers.  There are never enough holes in the ground.  Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.

DOORS: The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.

THE ART OF SNIFFING: Humans like to be sniffed.  Everywhere.  It is your duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them.

DINING ETIQUETTE: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor.  It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.

HOUSEBREAKING: Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.

GOING FOR WALKS: Rules of the road: when out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.

COUCHES: It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.

PLAYING: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, use the flower bed to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself.

CHASING CATS: When chasing cats, make sure you never--- quite--- catch them.
It spoils all the fun.

CHEWING: Make a contribution to the fashion industry.  ...Eat a shoe.



One-liner #1813

crutchesI do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.



"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

Be A Billionaire!


Complaint Pun

couple argue2A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband's complaint that he leads a dog's life is probably well founded.

"He comes in the house with muddy feet," she said, "tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best furniture."



Quote #2248

woman eating“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.”

― Erma Bombeck



Progress, Inventions, Rest

bathtubThe bathtub was invented in 1850.

The telephone was invented in 1875.

This might not seem like much, but if you had lived back then, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without being bothered by the phone.


Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

Making Decisions is the Hardest Part of My Life

DecisionIf it were not for decisions, my life would be perfect. After all these years, I still wrestle with decision-making. I admit that I often don’t make good decisions.

I'm not sure, so don't repeat this, but I think The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage knows this and uses it to her advantage. How? I don’t know. She is the primary source behind my decision-making.

Read more

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

  1. One-liner #1813
  2. Dog Rules
  3. Complaint Pun
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4892 - February 25, 2024

Subcategories

Clean Jokes Article Count:  3626

Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you?  Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4662
 

  

Christmas Jokes Article Count:  77

a picture of christmas ballsWe think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.

If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!

Your Turn to Be Funny Article Count:  3

It's your turn to be funny.  Submit your funny caption today.

Funny Elephant Pictures Article Count:  16

Are you looking for funny elephant pictures?  You've come to the right place!

Cybersalt Digest Archive Article Count:  1572

Games Article Count:  15

Here are the games we have on the site so far.  There aren't many but they're loads of fun.

Funny Pictures Article Count:  679

Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow.  We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often.  Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.

Funny Car Pictures Article Count:  169

Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.

Funny Cat Pictures Article Count:  231

catmelonhead150x127.jpgOver the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.

And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.

  

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4662

 

 

 

Funny Dog Pictures Article Count:  149

dog_maggie.jpgSome say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.

It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.

Funny Horse Pictures Article Count:  24

Here's our funny horse pictures collection.

Funny Christmas Pictures Article Count:  53

christmas cakeWe think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.

We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

Pearly Gates Jokes Article Count:  544

Here are some clean, theologically incorrect jokes.  Most of them have been featured in the PearlyGates section of the free Cybersalt Digest Newsletter - which you can subscribe to by clicking here.

FunBlog Article Count:  533

When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here.  If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!

Cartoons Article Count:  3119

These are some of our favorite cartoons.

Backpew Article Count:  2944

Clean Puns Article Count:  1994

Our collection of puns.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4662

 

Funny Signs Article Count:  167

Our collection of funny signs.

One-liners Article Count:  2049

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!

Chicken Humor Article Count:  1

Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart! 

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