Arguing with me is pointless - I realized I was wrong 10 minutes ago and now I'm just trying to make you mad.
Duck : Do you have any duck food?
Storekeeper: No
Duck : Do you have any duck food?
Storekeeper : No, we have no duck food
Duck : Do you have any duck food?
Storekeeper : NO!! We do not have any duck food!!
The biggest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
Click here to view this edition online!
Sunday greetings, everyone.
I am Gregg - at least for about half an hour this morning. Pastor Gregg is the community life pastor at the church we attend. He is a really great pastor with an amazing heart for people. He also has a lot of little jobs to do on a Sunday morning. For instance, he arrives to the church early and puts out traffic cones on the street to keep church people from parking near the fire hydrants and getting tickets. This Sunday, pastor Gregg is away with his kids and grandkids, so I am on pylon duty, setting out tables, turning on lights, starting announcements scrolling on the TVs in the hallway and Fireside Room, and other similarly exciting things.
Like Gregg I will also have to endure some funny comment I will make as I carry out his duties. For instance, I once (OK, maybe a couple of times) have quipped that Gregg and I booth have three letters in our name. It's OK if that makes you feel sorry for Gregg, but don't feel too bad because unlike when Gregg is Gregg, when I am Gregg I also have to hear everything that comes to mind that I don't say!
Today's video share is a reminder that we all have more in common than we think.
You can watch the video here.
Enjoy the rest of today's semi-abbreviated digest!
~ Pastor Tim
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24-hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Why do they put braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
Passing by the primate area one day, a zoo attendant happens to notice a chimpanzee sitting on a rock with an open book in either hand, looking first at one and then at the other.
Upon closer examination, he identifies the books: the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
Curious, he asks the chimp, "What's with the books?"
The chimp replies, "I'm trying to decide whether I'm my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
"Occasionally weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face, Trust God. And embrace the life you have."
- John Piper
At a dinner party, one of the guests was an obnoxiously loud young man. He made disparaging remarks about everyone and everything.
When served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: "I suppose this is pig?"
Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: "Which end of the fork are you referring to?"
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
I was bogged down in a store aisle sorting through Mother's Day cards and having absolutely no luck. It is another Mother's Day and I was having trouble selecting the perfect Mother's Day card. I am tempted to settle for something less than perfect this year.
I was rummaging through all kinds of Mother's Day cards and not happy with any one. There were categories galore for my selection. There are cards to celebrate every aspect of motherhood a person could think of. Of course, I saw a couple categories I had never thought of before. After over a half a century of giving Mother's Day cards I am really at a standstill. I have gone Mother's Day card dry.
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
