Entertainment

Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.

One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup."

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday! Remember me? 

There have been no Cybersalt Digest mailings for the past week because Grandma Cybersalt and I have been doing some travelling. On April 25th, we both flew to Calgary and then drove 30 minutes south to take part in the Western Conference of the association of churches whom we help to sponsor refugees (more on that conference below.)

I flew home on the 28th, while Susan stayed on in Calgary to spend some time with her sister, who's husband passed away earlier in the month. I returned to Calgary on May 2 for my brother-in-law's funeral on the 3rd, and then Susan and I flew home on the 4th. As you can imagine, this cut into our time to be able to get the regular mailings out.

The conference we attended began with some sessions focused on rest and renewal for ministry leaders, lead by Pastor Steve Witmer. At lunch Steve and I ended up in the food line together, where I took the opportunity to poke some fun about Surrey, the city in which he lives. Surrey is a ferry ride and drive away from Victoria, where Susan and I live, so it was nice to meet another British Columbian while away in the province of Alberta.

As we continued to get our food, Steve wondered if he had seen me very recently and after a bit of discussion we discovered that not only is he Pastor Steve Witmer, he is also Cybersaltine Steve Witmer, a Cybersalt Digest subscriber for the past 20 years! What followed was a wonderful lunch spent talking and sharing about about ministry experiences, our families (especially grandchildren), and many other things. It was so much fun and such a blessing that I hope we get to do it again soon some time when Steve is on a trip to Vancouver Island.

So here is something I'd like to ask you. Does your pastor and spouse need some time away for retreat of rest, renewal? If your answer is, "No" I humbly suggest (from past ministry experience) that some of you have answered incorrectly. Your pastor and spouse may be putting on brave faces because they don't think they can stop for a rest or feel they can't risk showing or admitting they need a rest. Regardless of how you answered, I recommend that you gift your pastor and their spouse a week long retreat with Kerith Retreats, a Focus on the Family Ministry that Steve is a part of. What's good for your pastor is good for your church and is good for you - www.kerithretreats.ca 

Today's video share is an early video of the star of the Christmas carol, "Little Drummer Boy."
You can watch the video here.

 Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim 

Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078

Dear Sir:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post, Hominid skull."

We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu Barbie".

It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to it's modern origin:

1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.

2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.

3. The dentition pattern evident on the "skull" is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the "ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams" you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it.

Without going into too much detail, let us say that:

A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.

B. Clams don't have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in it's normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results.

Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation's Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name "Australopithecus spiff-arino." Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum.

While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard.

We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the "trans-positatingfillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix" that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,

Harvey Rowe Curator, Antiquities

I hate hotel bath towels ... so thick and fluffy I can't even close my suitcase!

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

After telling the customs agent he had nothing in his bags but clothing, Mark was alarmed when the official decided to open them up and check.

In the very first one she opened, cushioned between his socks was a bottle of cognac.

"Nothing to declare but clothing, huh?"

"Right," Mark extemporized. "That, madam, is my nightcap."

"Calling bigotry an opinion is like calling arsenic a flavor."

- Jack Cameron

Couples who have lived together a long time have their own way of communicating.

A woman overheard her aunt and uncle one day:

"What are you looking for in that closet?" she asked.

"Nothing," he answered.

"Well, it's not in there. Look under the bed."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Susan Page writes . . . . 

Although my early childhood memories are vague at best, I know that I have always loved riding a bike. Back in the day, children rode three-wheelers until they were maybe 10 or 11. If your folks could scrape together the cash, a two-wheeler might have arrived for your 12th birthday. If memory serves me correctly, I had to master the skill of riding my new treasure by trial and error, although perhaps my older brother assisted in my early efforts.

Riding has always given me a sense of freedom and adventure. There are plenty of beautiful bike trails to explore and living two blocks outside of The Lake Ontario Waterfront Trail means opportunity is at my doorstep.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078

Dear Sir:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post, Hominid skull."

We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu Barbie".

After telling the customs agent he had nothing in his bags but clothing, Mark was alarmed when the official decided to open them up and check.

In the very first one she opened, cushioned between his socks was a bottle of cognac.

"Nothing to declare but clothing, huh?"

"Right," Mark extemporized. "That, madam, is my nightcap."