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Entertainment

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4905 - April 18, 2024

Click here to view this edition online!  

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

stump housesToday's edition is going out later than usual. Shahbaz, one of my team, is working on a big project for a client. He lives in Thailand and connecting across our time zones sometimes makes for meetings that interrupt my "regular scheduled programming."

Today's video share shows an historical solution to the housing shortage. It's a problem that has many people stumped today.
You can watch the video here.

 Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim 



Bulletproof

woman old4bThe speaker at a bank's drive-through window had been broken for weeks, and the tellers had to resort to miming or writing notes to communicate with their frustrated customers.

One day a sweet elderly lady who came to the drive-in every week pulled up to the window, leaned out, and smacked the glass in front of the teller's face.

"I hope this is bulletproof," she yelled.

There had just been a robbery at another bank nearby, so the teller was touched by her concern.

"It is," the teller yelled back.

"Good," she continued, "because someone is going to shoot you if you don't get that blasted speaker fixed!"



One-Liner #1825

cashierI'll never forget the look on the cashiers face, when she scanned the packet of bird seed, and I asked her how long does it take for the birds to grow once I plant them.



"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

Be A Billionaire!


Coyote / Flea

A fox standing in the snow and looking to its left What is the difference between a coyote and a flea?

One howls on the prairie and the other prowls on the hairy.



Quote #2260

chocolate heart"All you need is love, But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."

- Charles M. Schulz



Memory, Aging

woman old benchMy forgetter's getting better
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke

For when I'm "here" I'm wondering
If I really should be "there"
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,
Say "what am I here for?"
I wrack my brain, but all in vain
A zero, is my score.

At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone,
Say "Hi" and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, "Who's that?"

Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.


Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


Susan Page writes . . . . 

Let's be Reasonable

Poppy- photo by Susan Page There is an often-repeated scripture found in the book of Philippians.

The Apostle Paul, when addressing the church at Philippi wrote, “Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.” In the NIV translation, it reads “Let your gentleness be known to all.” The Amplified Bible gives even more descriptive phrasing; “Let your gentle spirit [your graciousness, unselfishness, mercy, tolerance, and patience] be known to all people.”

I want to lean into this text. It is challenging to my soul.

Would any of these adjectives be used when referring to my daily interactions? Do peers, colleagues and friends know me as a reasonable person? How about the traits I display with family, those nearest and dearest to me? Do I display a spirit of unselfishness?

Let’s be clear, I’m not seeking compliments, I’m doing some soul-searching, and it hurts. Keep in mind that how we view ourselves is often very different from how others see us. Frequently, the world does not consider Christ-followers as reasonable people at all. Do we ever come across as intolerant and impatient, a people lacking in mercy? Maybe all we need to land on is our driving habits or our intolerance of people who are not on our most favoured list.

It doesn’t appear that Paul is merely suggesting that we try to be reasonable. There isn’t a lot of give here. Making flimsy excuses like, “Well, I’m tired, or I’m fed-up, or they deserved it” when acting in a way that is not Christ-pleasing won’t cut it.

Paul goes on to write beautiful words of encouragement to believers. He tells us to not be anxious. Relaxed people tend to be grace-filled people. He expresses our need to be in prayer making our requests to God with thanksgiving. Thankful people, who are trusting God to supply their needs are more likely to be merciful to others.

Paul goes on to say that we will be filled with the peace of God which is simply beyond our understanding. This peace will guard our hearts (emotions) and minds (attitude) in Christ Jesus.

In other words, this peace will so saturate our spirits that our behaviour will be positively impacted.

The apostle states that we must focus our thoughts on things that are true, honourable, just, pure and lovely; things that are excellent and worthy of praise. It’s impossible to be miserable and intolerant of others if we are focused on God-honouring things.

If all this sounds too difficult, well it should, because it is … if we attempt it in our own strength.

The last portion of the verse in Nehemiah 8:10 states that we should not grieve because “the joy of the Lord is our strength.”

Thankfully, God gives us the strength to be all He calls us to be. As we remain in Him, our reasonableness and our joy will be known to everyone!

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”
(Galatians 5:22,23)


Read more

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

One-Liner #1825

cashierI'll never forget the look on the cashiers face, when she scanned the packet of bird seed, and I asked her how long does it take for the birds to grow once I plant them.

  • One-liners
  • Bird Jokes
  • Shopping One-liners
  • Customer Jokes
  • Logic One-liners

Bulletproof

woman old4bThe speaker at a bank's drive-through window had been broken for weeks, and the tellers had to resort to miming or writing notes to communicate with their frustrated customers.

One day a sweet elderly lady who came to the drive-in every week pulled up to the window, leaned out, and smacked the glass in front of the teller's face.

"I hope this is bulletproof," she yelled.

  • Clean Jokes
  • Work Jokes
  • Customer Jokes
  • Crime Jokes

Read more: Bulletproof

Coyote / Flea

A fox standing in the snow and looking to its left What is the difference between a coyote and a flea?

One howls on the prairie and the other prowls on the hairy.

  • Clean Puns
  • Outdoors Puns
  • Animal Puns

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4904 - April 14, 2024

Click here to view this edition online!  

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone!

walk under waterLater later today, Grandma Cybersalt and I are going to supper . . .  . somewhere. Our church is putting on a "Guess who's coming to dinner" event. We signed up to be guests and both of us have been told where to go (which usually only happens to me!) I am looking forward to spending some social time with some people I probably don't know very well yet. While some people would find that social aspect the biggest risk, for me it is the fact that I am a picky eater and hope I enjoy what is served. That's where the risk is for me!

Today's video share is of a ship that would test your faith to walk UNDER water!
Click Here to Watch

Enjoy the rest of today's digest!

~ Pastor Tim 



60's Fans

concert crowdFans of '60's music, my 14-year-old daughter and her best friend got front-row tickets to a Peter, Paul, and Mary concert.

When they returned home, my daughter said, "During the show, we looked back an saw hundreds of little lights swaying to the music. At first we thought people were holding up cigarette lighters. Then we realized that the lights were the reflections off all the eyeglasses in the audience.



One-Liner#1824

shopping receiptHey Walmart, don't get angry at me if I forget to scan something; you literally gave me zero training before making me a cashier.



"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

Be A Billionaire!


Cross-eyed Teacher

cross eyed close-up on eyes onlyA cross-eyed teacher in Surrey has been sacked.

He couldn't control his pupils.



Quote #2259

Head and shoulder shot of an older man with grizzly beard and mustache looking directly at us."I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else."

- George Carlin



Innocent Man Executed

prayer5This is a true story. In the middle east an innocent man allowed himself to be executed for the crimes committed by others.

He willingly died a slow painful death so the people that rightly deserved the punishment for their wrong doing could be set free. Think about that, a man who was innocent willingly took the punishment for others. He died in their place.

All who accept his sacrifice will be set free. What kind of man would do that? Jesus Christ. Jesus died for you. He took the punishment you deserve. God loves you so much that He sent his one and only son, Jesus Christ to die in your place so that you may be forgiven for the wrong you have done and have everlasting life. (John 3:16).

The Bible says all people have sinned, we all need to ask God to forgive us. In order to take advantage of what Jesus has done for you, you must ask Him to forgive you for the wrong you have done. You must turn from sin, which is lying, stealing, getting drunk, gossip, etc.

You are going to stand in front of God someday and give an account of your life, you will be judged for your choices while here on earth. If you accept Jesus Christ, ask Him to forgive you for all your sins and turn from them, you can spend eternity in heaven with Him. If you continue to sin and reject Jesus and the sacrifice He made for you, there will only be eternal punishment in hell awaiting you.

You now know the truth, you will have no excuse when you stand before God if you continue sinning and reject the truth. But that is not the plan God has for your life. The Bible says that God desires all people to be saved. He loves you and wants the best for you. Come to Him like you are; you will never be able to change yourself. If you have never asked Jesus to come into your life don't put it off, tomorrow may be too late. You will never regret your decision, in this life or the life to come. If you are ready to accept Jesus say this prayer.

Lord Jesus, I believe that you are the Son of God and you died in my place to pay for all the wrong that I have done. I know that I am a sinner and I have committed sins against you. I ask you to forgive me of those sins, come into my life, and to help me live the life that you desire of me. I thank you for dying on the cross and taking my place, paying the debt I could never pay.

If you just said that prayer and meant it, God has forgiven you. You now need to find a church that teaches the truth and start talking to God everyday. You will not regret your decision. Congratulations.


Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

Touch My Coffee And You Die

wordsRecently, illegitimate aliens of the worst kind have invaded our house illegally.

It came to a head just the other day when we were sitting down to lunch, and The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage had a lovely bowl of tomato soup. I forgot what I was eating because all the attention went to her bowl.

As I was eating my lunch, I glanced over at her bowl of tomato soup. The top of it was covered with little black dots of some sort. Looking at it, I asked her, “Oh, my dear, what kind of soup are you eating today?”

Read more

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

  1. 60's Fans
  2. Cross-eyed Teacher
  3. One-Liner#1824
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4903 - April 11, 2024

Subcategories

Clean Jokes Article Count:  3626

Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you?  Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4658
 

  

Christmas Jokes Article Count:  77

a picture of christmas ballsWe think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.

If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!

Your Turn to Be Funny Article Count:  3

It's your turn to be funny.  Submit your funny caption today.

Funny Elephant Pictures Article Count:  16

Are you looking for funny elephant pictures?  You've come to the right place!

Cybersalt Digest Archive Article Count:  1559

Games Article Count:  15

Here are the games we have on the site so far.  There aren't many but they're loads of fun.

Funny Pictures Article Count:  679

Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow.  We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often.  Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.

Funny Car Pictures Article Count:  169

Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.

Funny Cat Pictures Article Count:  231

catmelonhead150x127.jpgOver the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.

And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.

  

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4658

 

 

 

Funny Dog Pictures Article Count:  149

dog_maggie.jpgSome say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.

It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.

Funny Horse Pictures Article Count:  24

Here's our funny horse pictures collection.

Funny Christmas Pictures Article Count:  53

christmas cakeWe think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.

We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

Pearly Gates Jokes Article Count:  544

Here are some clean, theologically incorrect jokes.  Most of them have been featured in the PearlyGates section of the free Cybersalt Digest Newsletter - which you can subscribe to by clicking here.

FunBlog Article Count:  533

When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here.  If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!

Cartoons Article Count:  3119

These are some of our favorite cartoons.

Backpew Article Count:  2944

Clean Puns Article Count:  1994

Our collection of puns.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4658

 

Funny Signs Article Count:  167

Our collection of funny signs.

One-liners Article Count:  2049

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!

Chicken Humor Article Count:  1

Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart! 

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