I still have a lot of trouble with wrong numbers. Yesterday I dialed the Red Cross and got the Internal Revenue Service in error.
So the I.R.S. operator asked me what number I had dialed. I said, "The Red Cross, you know, where they take the blood."
She said, "Well, you aren't too far off, are you?"
A man comes into a restaurant at 6 o'clock in the evening.
"I want to have a coffee please."
The waiter brings him the coffee, the man drinks it and afterwards, he orders another, then another, then another.
Finally, at 7:30, the man has drunk 5 coffees.
Said the waiter to the man, when he took care of his bill, "When I drink so much coffee in the evening, I cannot sleep half of the night."
"No problem," said the man. "I count until three - and then I sleep."
"And that works every time?" asks the waiter surprised.
"No, sometimes I count until half past three."
Click here to view this edition online!
Sunday greetings, and Happy Father's Day to those who celebrate it!
Grandma Cybersalt and I are back from our trip, but not without some extra adventure at the end. Long story short, our first flight landed too late for us to catch our next flight which would have taken us the rest of the way home. The airline rebooked us for the the first flight the next morning, which left our best option being to sleep overnight in the Calgary Airport. I think airports have terminals because it is where comfortable sleep goes to die! Susan got a bit more sleep than me, as can be seen in this picture I took at 4:20am after I woke up too sore to continue. I spent the rest of the time watching movies on my phone.
So with that news, enjoy the rest of today's abbreviated digest!
~ Pastor Tim
Tongue: a variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.
Yogurt: semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.
Recipe: a series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.
Porridge: thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents.
The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."
Preheat: to turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, as well as when it is removed.
Oven: compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.
Microwave Oven: kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.
Calorie: basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University.
The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center's high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum.
"Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Doh."
One day I was having breakfast with my daughter, who was about 8 years old at the time. I had done what any good dad would do, I fixed her a bowl of cereal. I even poured the milk into the bowl myself. We were having some great conversation during our mealtime, when my daughter got up from the table with her bowl. When I asked her what she was doing, she told me that she was going to throw her "cereal milk" away.
Now having been well educated on how cereals are sprayed with vitamins and also how that vitamin spray often gets "washed off" of the cereal, I cautioned her about her pending blunder.
I said, "Kati, I can't believe that you're going to throw your cereal milk away. That's my favorite part."
She had a pondering look on her face for a moment, then proceeded to drink most of the milk. 'Mission accomplished,' I thought to myself. 'I really am an amazing dad!'
Fast forward a few weeks to Father's Day morning. As we sat down to eat breakfast as a family, I could tell something was up. Everyone was obviously in on this grand Father's Day surprise but me. I didn't mind because I knew that whatever surprise was awaiting me, it would be amazing. After about 10 minutes of giggles and some secret language that everyone understood except me, a pint-sized plastic bottle was placed on the table in front of me. I stopped eating a very delicious breakfast to see if I could solve this little mystery that had everyone so giddy.
As I picked up the container, I spun it around to see if there was a label or a note… nothing. So finally I asked, "What is it?". Kati said, "Dad, it's your favorite!"
Hmm, I thought to myself. What is my "favorite"?
Finally stumped, I asked her, "Kati, what is my favorite?"
She said, "Dad, you told me that cereal milk was your favorite so I've been saving mine for you all week and mom helped me put it in this bottle!"
In disbelief, I looked at my wife. She grinned and nodded in confirmation.
Not quite sure how to handle this situation, I paused to consider my options - then did what I knew I must do. I picked it up, unscrewed the lid and took a good long drink.
Of course I told Kati that this was the BEST cereal milk I had ever enjoyed and a Father's Day I would not soon forget. Then she made me promise to enjoy ALL of it later.
And, of course, I did.
Now that she's 14 years old, we have laughed about that day many, many times!~Brad Miller
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
I do not have a history of being sick. I rarely even have a headache, but I must confess, I give headaches.
The last two weeks have been different for me. I have never experienced such a long stretch of sickness before. One day in the hospital and then two weeks in bed. What kind of experience is that?
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Tongue: a variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.
Yogurt: semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.
Recipe: a series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.
Click here to view this edition online!
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
Grandma Cybersalt and I are near the end of our trip. Today we are enjoying the blessing of celebrating with my mom on her 84th birthday.
Enjoy the rest of today's abbreviated mailing.
~ Pastor Tim
A DJ was introducing a record.
"This next one," he said, "is for Charlotte Burke, who is a hundred and eleven. Hey, Charlotte, congratulations on a ripe old age!"
There was a short pause and then the DJ said in a somewhat more subdued voice,
"I'm sorry, I got it wrong. This next one is for Charlotte Burke, who is ill."
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University.
The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center's high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum.
"Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Doh."
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage.
"Look," she said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other."
"You're wrong," the young man declared. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the bank where your father has his account.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
