Five ants rented an apartment with another five ants. Now they're tenants.
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Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
We are back to warm (for us), wet weather here at Cybersalt World Headquarters. While not everyone's cup of tea, the rain is a beautiful friend to those of us who don't like to shovel snow!
Today's video share is an honest look at an issue of fairness that so many cultures struggle with.
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~ Pastor Tim
For all of us guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Simple Duties:
You make the Bed.....................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.........0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.......................-1
You leave the toilet seat up......................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it's empty..................0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.......-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
You check out a suspicious noise at night .....................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing...............0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something...........+5
You pummel it with a six iron................................+10
It's her father.............................................-10
Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner..................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ......+1
Okay, it is a sports bar..................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.............................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..................-10
A Night Out With The Boys:
Go out with a pal .........................................-5
And the pal is happily married ............................-4
Or frighteningly single ...................................-7
And he drives a Mustang..................................-10
A Night Out:
You take her to a movie.........................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes..............................+4
You take her to a movie you hate...............................+6
You take her to a movie you like................................-2
It's called DeathCop 3..........................................-3
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans .........-15
Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly...............................-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it....+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts....................................-30
You say "I don't give a darn because you have one too"........-800
The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" .....................................-5
You hesitate in responding.....................................-10
You reply, "Where?".............................................-35
Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression...............................0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..........+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV...+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep...............-20
I'm not sure how many cookies it takes to be happy, but so far it's not twenty seven.
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
"May you live as long as you want and not want for as long as you live." - An Irish Toast.
"Cinnamon, eggs, bread and maple syrup." - A French toast.
"For how can one know color in perpetual green, and what good is warmth without cold to give it sweetness?"
~John Steinbeck, Travels with Charley: In Search of America, 1961
Helen and Amanda were discussing their busy schedules.
Helen said, "Amanda, I must ask you something. Every day I feel incredibly run down and tired. And yet, I see you looking as fresh as a rose. I have to know: what's your secret?"
"My secret? Every morning, without fail, I wake up at six o'clock sharp."
"You wake up at six o'clock?"
"Yes, and then I look at the clock, see what time it is, and go back to sleep for another four hours."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Susan Page writes . . . .
- photo by Susan PageI love the account of the early Church community recorded in Acts 2: “When the day of Pentecost arrived, they were all together in one place. They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. All who believed were together and had all things in common. They were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. Daily they attended the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.”
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Morris had long suspected that his hearing wasn't quite what it used to be. Friends often had to repeat themselves, and he found himself nodding along to conversations he could barely follow. It was time, he realised, to invest in a hearing aid. However, Morris, known for his frugality, was reluctant to part with a substantial sum of money. Determined to find a bargain, he headed to the local hearing aid store.
Upon entering the store, Morris was greeted by a friendly salesperson. "How much do they cost?" he inquired, hoping for a modest price tag. The salesperson, with a knowing smile, replied, "That depends. They run from $2.00 to $2,000." Morris, ever the penny-pincher, was intrigued by the mention of a $2.00 model. "Let's see the $2.00 model," he said, his curiosity piqued.
The salesperson, amused by Morris's request, obliged by presenting the budget model. He carefully placed the device around Morris' neck and explained, "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket." Morris examined the contraption, unsure of its effectiveness. "How does it work?" he asked.
With a twinkle in his eye, the salesperson answered, "For $2.00 it doesn't work. But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!"
I'm not sure how many cookies it takes to be happy, but so far it's not twenty seven.
For all of us guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
