Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.  One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor.  The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.

The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

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A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.  He sidles up to the bar and announces:

"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.  He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.