1.  How Dogs and Men Are the Same

Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both are bad at asking you questions.
Neither tells you what's bothering them.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Neither does any dishes.
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
Neither understands what you see in cats.

2.  How Dogs Are Better Than Men

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Dogs admit it when they're lost.
Dogs are colour-blind.
Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.

3.  Where Dogs Fall Down

Men only have two feet that track in mud.
Men can buy you presents.
Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
Dogs have dog breath all the time.
Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it.

4.  Why Dogs are Better than Women

Dogs don't ask what are you thinking.
Dogs love it when your friends come over.
Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
Dogs think you sing great.
A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
Dogs love red meat.
Dogs don't shop.
Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
Dogs love long car trips.
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.