What if Biblical characters could be recruited as high-tech promoters?

Consider the following tech advocates and their ad slogans:

Noah for Match.com: We can find a mate for anything. Why not you?

Moses for the Excedrin Headache Resource Center (Excedrin.com):
Take two tablets and call me in the morning.

The dove for UPS.com: Guaranteed delivery in 40 days and 40 nights.

Adam and Eve for Dell: No Apples for us. We've learned the hard way.

Solomon for Microsoft: Don't cut the baby in half.

Joseph for Nikon Coolpix: Only Nikon can capture the 36-bit color of my megapixel dream coat.

Methuselah for AARP.org: Life begins at 960.

Pharaoh for Symantec: If only we'd had Norton AntiPlague 2002 in 2002 ... BC.

Job for NASDAQ: 'Nuff said.