Monthly Archive

After starting a new diet, I altered my drive to town to avoid passing my favorite bakery. I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window was a host of my favorite goodies.I ... read more..

After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client, "Jill, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.""Fair ... read more..

A worried Mrs. Melnik sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear."How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?""Oh, mother," s... read more..

A woman went to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering and she begins moaning. Eventually, a voice comes, saying, "Granddaught... read more..

A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for ... read more..

A tired mom opened the front door of her home to find a young minister from the neighborhood who said, "I'm collecting donations for the new children's home we're building. I hope you'll give what yo... read more..

A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked out to have a talk with him. "I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always seem to lose control at the s... read more..

A rancher applied for a loan at a bank. "How much do you want to borrow?" asked the loan interviewer."Twenty-five thousand dollars.""All right, but you'll have to show security. How many bulls do yo... read more..

A Priest at a Church picnic was staring at a member of his parish wearing the tiniest of bikinis.A Nun walked over and said, "Shame on you Father, staring at that woman like that!"The Priest replied, ... read more..

A police officer pulls over an eighty-six-year-old woman because her hand signals were confusing. "First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you... read more..

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make an offering"Great idea!... read more..

A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart attack, met this over-zealous evangelist. After listening politely for over a half-hour on how thankful he should be to have been spared, and h... read more..

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Fin... read more..

A mathematics teacher came into the faculty room after she'd been watching a basketball game. Her face was glowing. "I've got the greatest idea for teaching!" she exclaimed."What do you mean? What'... read more..

A man went to a barber shop to have his hair cut as always. He started to have a good conversation with the barber who was cutting his hair. They talked about so many things and various subjects. S... read more..

A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Minnesota recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch tho... read more..

A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept talking about chickens being great creatures, and as such they had the right to go where they wanted.Th... read more..

A friend and I were shopping for dresses for her three-year-old girls to wear to a wedding. In the store, another girl staring intently at Sarah and Becky asked, "Are those girls twins?""Actually they... read more..

A four-year-old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked in her ears, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?" The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a to... read more..

26. Take a day off alone; make a retreat. You can learn from monks and hermits without becoming one. 27. Pet a furry friend. You will give and get the gift of now. 28. Work with your hands. It frees t... read more..

1) If it rings, put it on hold. 2) If it clanks, call the repairman. 3) If it whistles, ignore it. 4) If it's a friend, take a break. 5) If it's the boss, look busy. 6) If it talks, take notes. read more..

1) If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 2) If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights. 3) Experience is something you don't get until just after read more..

*Adolescence***Nowadays our youngsters are acting as if adolescence is the last fling at life instead of the introduction to it.**Some philosopher said that adolescence is the best substitute ever inv read more..

** FOR THE GARDEN OF YOUR DAILY LIVING **PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS: 1. Peace of mind 2. Peace of heart 3. Peace of soul PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH: 1. Squash gossip 2. Squash indifference 3. Squash grum read more..

"UNDER OUR SKIN!"There once was an oyster, whose story I tell;Who found that some sand, had gotten into his shell.It was only a grain, but it gave him great pain;For oysters have feelings, although th read more..

"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?" "Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories publ read more..

"Peace doesn't start at a mideast table but in a mideast stable" is the sign on our church front sign. 26,000 cars drive by daily.- Pastor Roger Barcus read more..

Two trucks loaded with a thousand copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday, according to the Associated Press. Witnesses were stunned, startled, agh... read more..

There's Plenty More "The Back Pew" cartoons athttp://www.thebackpew.com   read more..

Gary is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father explains, "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, ... read more..