December 2005 - Monthly Archive

31 Dec

Peggie's Den

Peggie Bohanon

5087

Something Old . . . Something New

I'm a romanticist at heart and learned this one, as you did, years ago...a traditional bride's outfit includes "something old, something new, something borrowed and something _______--BLUE!" You remem... read more..

Reasons Why Farm Trucks Are Never Stolen

31 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2945

Reasons Why Farm Trucks Are Never Stolen

* They have a range of about 20 miles before they overheat, break down or run out of gas.* Only the owner knows how to operate the door to get in or out.* It is difficult to drive fast with all the fe read more..

30 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4249

Top Ten Y2K Survivalists To Do Lis

10. Apologize to neighbors about the tripwire incident...offer to replace dog. 9. Take up pork & beans skeet shooting. 8. Gather recipes for Spam, dehydrated potatoes, and crow. 7. Cancel subsc read more..

29 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3906

Charity Better than Expected

Members of the Methodist women's church circle in one Wisconsin town some years ago were disturbed because a widowed church member and her three small daughters were staying away from services. ... read more..

29 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

5907

Parting Words

A pastor was leaving his area and was saying farewell to his congregation at the Church doors for the last time. He shook the hand of an elderly lady as she walked out. She said "Your successor won't ... read more..

28 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3976

Grandmother on the Stand

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Wh... read more..

28 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2912

Mouse Mom

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse yells, "BARK!" and the cat runs away."See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you... read more..

27 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4176

Goober & Cell Phone

A young man wanted to get his beautiful goober wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. ... read more..

27 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3006

Rope Response

A young fellow just starting into cattle ranching called the old cowboy one rainy evening and said he had a cow with problems having a calf.The old cowboy got his rope, and drove thru the rain to his ... read more..

26 Dec

Wonders of Creation

3669

Wonders of Creation - Water on Mars

Was there water on Mars, and why is it so important to know? The first of these questions can be answered with an almost certain "Yes". There is a lot of evidence which points to the conclusion that M... read more..

26 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4431

Out of this World Restaurant (groaner)

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere.... read more..

26 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2926

Waist Deep

While driving through Buffalo after a heavy snow storm, a motorist noted a cop, apparently waist deep in snow, directing traffic. Feeling sorry for him, the motorist called out "I'm sorry you have to ... read more..

25 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

10915

Goober Jokes Galore!

What do you call an eternity? Four Goobers in four cars at a four way stop. Why do Goobers have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First. Three Goobers were driving to Disneyland.&n... read more..

24 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4504

Dinosaur Bones

Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?" The guard replies, "The... read more..

23 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4220

Flying Blind

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way.The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of th... read more..

22 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4084

Goober on the Loose

Three convicts escaped from prison. They made it to the downtown of a nearby city but were confronted by a policeman. "Hey, aren't you those three escaped convicts?", asked the policeman. Thinking ... read more..

21 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3842

Child Perspective on Retirement

A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following: "We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick ho... read more..

20 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3723

Go Easy at First

Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her h... read more..

19 Dec

Dr. Harold McNabb

6007

Love Brings Hope, Peace and Joy

"Hail, O favored one, the Lord is with you!" But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and considered in her mind what sort of greeting this might be. And the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, M read more..

Politically Correct Statements for a New Century

19 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3739

Politically Correct Statements for a New Century

Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive." Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps." You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time." Yo... read more..

19 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3554

Gift Excitement

The small girl had recently received a new watch and some perfume, which she was very excited about. Their family asked the pastor over for dinner. The girl wanted so badly to tell the pastor about he... read more..

18 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4107

Rabbi Schwartz Answers His Phone

"Hello is this Rabbi Schwartz?" "It is" "This is the IRS. Can you help us?" "I can." "Do you know a Sam Cohen?" "I do." "Is he a member of your congregation?" "He is." "Did he donate $10 read more..

18 Dec

Christmas

Pastor Tim

4319

A Child Shall Lead Them

The Christmas story is not over. There is lots more to come that God has promised. {audio}podcast/sm20051218.mp3{/audio}... read more..

17 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

5435

Engine Failure

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will t... read more..

Signs that the Starship Enterprise is Nearing the End of It's Warranty

17 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3174

Signs that the Starship Enterprise is Nearing the End of It's Warranty

- Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.- Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".- Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.- Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one c read more..

16 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3933

No Frills Airlines

...they don't sell tickets, they sell chances. ...all the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out. ...before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot. ...if you kiss the wi read more..

16 Dec

Peggie's Den

Peggie Bohanon

3915

Carol of The Heart

Ever go Christmas caroling--on a BUS? I remember bundling up, climbing aboard a church bus and trailing around the town--stopping at homes, gathering on front porches, singing our hearts out to happy ... read more..

16 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2954

Natural Antibiotic

While serving as associate pastor in a church in the California gold country, I had an elderly gentlemen attend some of our Bible studies.When he missed one week, I called to see if he was alright. He... read more..

15 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4116

How to Make Life Simpler

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know. Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by hol... read more..

15 Dec

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3333

Collect Call

My mother was away all weekend at a business conference.During a break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Betty... read more..